These Great Creatures

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you are being chased by something and you are running as fast as you can, but you are not going anywhere? Have you ever had this happen in real life? Unfortunately, about two weeks ago, I did.

I have not told many people because, initially, I was embarrassed that after all these years of working with cattle that I let it happen to me. But there has been this festering inside of me, this irrational fear that is trying to make its way to the surface and I feel as though if I get it out, I can feel truly myself again. I also feel that God saved me on that cold day to teach me a lesson and to share it; that these great creatures we love are exactly that, creatures.

This is not the bull from the incident, but another one on the farm.

So now I’ll get to the story.

About two weeks ago, I went and rode my horse, Dusty. In order to get to the pen that he stays in, I have to walk through a pen of 47 heifers and 20 some bulls. That day there was an old Charolais bull standing in front of Dusty’s pen. He looked like he didn’t feel well and paid no attention to me as I walked by him three or four times getting things for Dusty.

About an hour later, I was asked to go check on a bull that was in rough shape the night before. I figured it was the bull that had been by Dusty, but I headed out to the pen to double check and report back my thoughts. He had gone around the other side of the barn in the meantime, however. As I walked the length of the barn, I talked to him, making sure I was not going to scare him as I rounded the corner. Before I got there, I did as I had been taught when working with bulls, I mapped out an escape route if he were to charge, but I made a critical error when sculpting this plan, I misjudged the depth of the snow.

I didn’t want to make a sharp turn around the corner, so I circled out wide and continued to talk. I said, “hey there big guy” as I turned the corner to see his rear end facing me. He quickly swung around with his head in the air and this is when I knew I was in trouble. I turned to go to the nearest fence, but the snow was about three feet deep and my running got me nowhere, eventually causing me to lose my footing. Thankfully, he targeted my standing body and had no time to adjust when I fell on top of the snow, so he only ran over the bottom part of my legs. Also, thankfully, he had misjudged the snow as well and went flying face first into a large pile of snow. As I saw his body disappear into a white cloud, I knew if was my time to run. I sprinted to the gate, making it safely to the other side.

I stood there crying out of fear and pain, shaking with adrenaline. My fiancé came rushing over with a confused look on his face, not knowing what had happened. I looked at him and said between gasps, “the snow saved my life.” Yes, if the snow had not been there I may have made it to the fence, but I also may have not been fast enough. But because of the snow, he would have hit my entire body, not just my legs. If there had not been snow to cushion the blow, he might have broken my leg against the hard ground, but instead I am just bruised and swollen (still bruised to this day and applying muscle cream each night, but that’s better than a cast). Without the snow, he might have had the energy to come back at me. I was not alone out there that day; my guardian angel definitely was busy.

So as comfortable as we get with these beautiful beasts, please don’t ever get too comfortable. We work in one of the most dangerous jobs in America, but most of us have been doing it our entire lives, so we sometimes forget the dangers. Just remember, I walked past this bull three or four times before this incident and he didn’t even bat an eye at me. We need not be afraid, but always aware.

Phenomenal Woman

“I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”

These words sang from my lips as I performed "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou for my talent for Miss Brookings 2015. I believed every word I said that night, that I was indeed a woman, Phenomenally, but as the past two years have worn on I have come to question what it means to be a woman in 2017, especially in agriculture.

There have been days where I have picked up the 95-pound calf and put him in the trailer because I was told that the 50-pound calf was too heavy for me. There have been days were my unqualified, uneducated, less passionate, underperforming male counterparts have been offered the job instead of myself. There have been days where my thoughts were occupied by sexual harassment comments by farm co-workers instead of on the cow I was breeding. There have been days where I have wanted to throw in the towel.

But then I remember the days where I outperformed every man around me, the days where I saved the calf, the days when the entire cow herd follows me because they trust me, the days when my heart sings with joy because my sick cow is no longer knocking on deaths door, the days that I know I am doing what God has put me on this earth to do.

So yes, “I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.” And you can bet that we will still face challenges as we fight for equality and not every man will see us as equal, but we cannot let someone else’s opinion of us stop us from achieving our dreams. Like Ayn Rand said “the question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me.”

Because All Dogs and Cows go to Heaven

My favorite picture of the nice clean barn at Cindy and Ray's

Yesterday, I cried, hard, all day long, in the tractor, in the pickup, in the shop, everywhere. When I woke up, my mom had texted my fiancé and I for me to call her as soon as I got up. I knew something was wrong, but what had happened was never what I had imagined.

            “Hey Mom, what’s up?” I could hear the sadness in her voice as she said, “Cindy and Ray’s barn started on fire and they lost all the cows.” It didn’t sink in for a few minutes because that is what nightmares are made of. I wanted to sit and cry, but the cows out here in McLaughlin needed to be fed, so I got up and headed to the tractor. About half way through feeding, I got to thinking about all of the good times, good cows, and great memories I had in that place. I stopped the tractor and sat there sobbing.

            That barn, those cows, and Cindy and Ray are the reason I was sitting in the tractor.

            I had always loved cows, but when I started there at 17, Cindy taught me how to truly care for and love those ladies as if they were a part of your own family. Ray taught me to pay great attention to detail to ensure the best outcome for the cows and the farm, as well as how to be rational when it came to the cows. That barn taught me that calluses are your best friend when working a wheel barrel, to not put all your weight into a broom when your boots no longer have any grip left (I have a scar to prove this one,) and that no time in the barn with your sister is ever wasted (especially when you're creating parodies). Rudy taught me that there is nothing more precious than a good old farm dog. And those beautiful, amazing cows taught me that nothing worth having comes easy, that getting up early for cows is way easier than getting up for school, and that I want to spend the rest of my life working for and with these great beasts.

A cute baby calf and myself.

My sister, Laura, with one of our favorite cows, 106.

           
             I thank God every day that Cheryl referred me to work for Cindy and Ray. I would not be the person I am today had they not taken the time to teach and mentor me. I pray that all in the barn went quickly and that they are all waiting for us on the other side (because all dogs and cows go to heaven).